Tiffany Houser  
Only you can compromise your self worth. Only you can let that imposter out. The imposter remember is only there to protect you and only can be activated by you.

Jeff Ma  
Hello, and welcome to love as a business strategy, a podcast that brings humanity to the workplace. We're here to talk about business, but we want to tackle topics that most business leaders shy away from. And we believe that humanity love should be at the center of every successful business. As always, I'm your host, and I'm here to have those conversations and hear those stories from real people, real businesses, real life and one very real thing that people deal with is feeling like an imposter referred to many by referred by many as impostor syndrome. Studies have shown that most people experienced some form of it at some point in their lives. And in 2020. A systematic review of 62 studies evaluated the prevalence of impostor syndrome in graduate students, college students, nurses, medical students, other professions, etc. and showed that there's a prevalence as high as 56 to 82%, and people reporting impostor syndrome and my guest today is Tiffany Houser, as an executive and leadership coach, entrepreneur, and a woman of color. Tiffany knows firsthand about the roller coaster ride of self worth. As the founder of evolve. Tiffany coaches senior leaders who are ready to experience powerful breakthroughs around their self worth authentic leadership style, vision and purpose. collaborating closely with key stakeholders and companies. Tiffany also designs and delivers transformative team experiences, and captivating speaking engagements. Her vision is to create leaders at all levels and companies and believes this happens team by team starting with the leader of the team leaders who are compassionate, responsible, inclusive, and empowered. And with that Tiffany created self worth advantage based on her work with her leaders who experience feeling like an impostor. self worth advantage is a framework and approach that uncovers what's compromising your self worth to support you transforming it back into confidence and trust. Tiffany's coaching creates massive clarity and confidence by reassuring leaders. They're not the only senior leader in a top role or founder experiencing this and equips them with tools to unpack and transform their self worth to leave the imposter behind for good. Fun Facts. Tiffany is a Michigan alum, a former SoulCycle instructor and DJ and serves on the board of Becky's fund, Tiffany fills her cup with her partner J. Their dog coconut and their wonderful adventurous life together. So with that, I would love to welcome Tiffany to the show. Tiffany How are you today? I

Tiffany Houser  
am wonderful. Jeff, thank you so much for that beautiful introduction.

Jeff Ma  
Well, I used to dabble in some DJing myself back in the day, what kind of music were you typically DJing?

Tiffany Houser  
This is such a good one. I used to spin house music. I think the kids now call it EDM. Yes.

Jeff Ma  
When I spun that as well, it was mostly cold house as well, or trance and other types of things that fell under that umbrella. But we have that connection. I however, have never so cycled so we'll talk about that a little bit later. Great. But before that, let's talk about I'm really excited about this topic. First of all, there's, I think the term impostor syndrome, which we'll talk about, that comes up so much, I think in my personal life, people I work with, but also just out there and around is just so much more discussed nowadays than has ever been. But I know that you have a unique and important perspective on that I want to get into. And just before that, I first want to start with you. So I just want to talk about your passion, where you come from a little bit about your story that brought you to what you do today.

Tiffany Houser

Yeah, it's it's so funny. I've been using the metaphor, the example of the roller coaster lately. And fun fact there is an amusement park in the town that I grew up in with like Mega roller coasters. And so my journey where I am right now kind of started when I was with SoulCycle. When they first brought me down here to DC, Washington DC, where I currently am, I was doing it full time and I felt a little lost because I'd come from the corporate world and that was too much free time. That's the story I made up like there's too much free time I don't know what to do with myself. And so I, you know, as an instructor, a fitness instructor, a lot of people ask you many different questions. And it's almost like being the bartender or the confidant or the therapist. And, you know, when you're in the wellness space, it's how can I, you know, elevate this, develop that work on this, get rid of that, whatever that question may be. And so I decided to become a coach, a formal certified trained coach, which I had no idea, Jeff, that I already was a coach in my corporate space. But when I went to college, there was no degree in coaching, no degree in consulting, it was kind of like, I think this phenomenon for me in my world, kind of sprouted up about 10 years ago. And so, as I started to work with my first few clients, you know, who wanted to work on the typical thing, because I first was certified as a health coach, lose weight, better energy, get more sleep, create longevity, whatever that was, every road, I mean, every road lead back to fulfillment and passion with their career. So the reason they weren't out the way they wanted, weren't energized, didn't have the sleep or, you know, felt like they were aging too fast, is because of something that was missing or out of alignment with their career. And so the way I was trained as a transformational coach is I follow that. So we don't follow the program, or the agenda of what what, you know, what was offered, we follow what exactly was happening. And so that's where I started digging. And as I started digging there with my clients, I started to uncover my own story. Because the reason I became a health coach is because I was unhappy, and not unhappy, but I just didn't feel fulfilled, I felt like there was something missing that I also wanted to tap into, into my life. And so they started experiencing extraordinary results in their career. And so they started bringing me in to their company, or their team, to, you know, ripple those results out. And then somehow I started a company, I had a private practice. But then I ultimately started a company based on my clients, not because I drafted some business business plan, and when it went out and, you know, looked for investors, it was just based off of them. And so I adapted and pivoted my business to also include working with companies, so I am b2c and b2b. And all my clients, and it's so funny that you, you know, spit those facts out. Because that was one of the reasons why I created the self worth advantage this year, was because my clients, actually my new clients, I should say, we're actually saying I feel like an impostor. And even though that is a very common thread in all of my clients, it was it was new this year to actually hear people say, this is how I feel. And I mean, like, people who were moving into being the president, or CXO, in a fortune 500 company, or they're a hyper growth founder, where they're on their series A moving into their series B. And these are no, you know, like mom and pop shops. And they were feeling this way for a variety of reasons, which I'm sure we'll talk about. But that's a little bit about my journey and how I am where i am today.

Jeff Ma  
That's incredible. I think, when I think about health in general, and where you started it all it actually just I haven't thought of this before, but just in this moment, it makes so much sense. If you're talking about overall health, and longevity and things like that, I mean, work is what we mostly do all day, like you can go to the gym, you can eat better, but you should also be kind of fixing the root causes of some of our stresses and anxieties and issues were where it starts. It's an amazing that's an amazing thread you found that I hadn't even thought of and it makes so much sense. Yeah, incredible. So so let's let's delve jump into if you don't mind. Yeah, I'm gonna jump right into self worth or the self worth advantage wherever you want to start when it comes to self worth because this is a topic that's very near and dear to me. I know it comes up a lot for me my personal life. If you know in almost every other at least I'd say a session with my therapist, this word will come up and we have different ways of analyzing breaking it down. So I want to hear kind of your kind of take on self worth as a as a as a as a top Big but also we can move into self fourth advantage as well. Absolutely.

Tiffany Houser 
Yeah. So as I mentioned, this was something that, you know, was again birthed from my clients. But again, I also am one of my clients. And if you've worked with me, all my clients know this, I bring myself into the sessions, not only to, you know, generate that rapport with them, but also to let them know, this is not just happening to you, you're not alone, there's nothing wrong or bad with you, we are all experiencing it. And the stats that you shared, you know, when it comes to the senior leaders in this country, it's 80% or more that feel like the imposter from time to time. And that's the thing that I do want to let people know, is that the imposter is momentarily just like competence. Because, you know, the disconnect for a lot of people is that, how could a senior leader or the founder of an incredible, you know, scaling company have feel like an imposter, excuse me feel like an imposter. They're crushing it over there. And yet, you know, the, the name of my company, the parent company of all this is called evolve. And the reason I chose that name for this company is because we as humans, and the world around us is constantly evolving. So who I am today is not who I was last year, nor will it be who I am next year. And so for those of us, specifically, senior leaders, and founders, we have this thing in us as firing us that we want more. And it's usually because, you know, just like you said, in the beginning of your show, we deeply care about creating an impact in this world. So it's not just about the revenue and the profits, sure. But it's also about the people that we're working with, and the people that we're serving, we want to create a bigger impact. And with that, want that desire that vision, we we evolve into it, we grow into it, we develop expand into it. And what people forget, is that all the work, we've done all the knowledge, we know if that too, is not expanding, evolving, developing, growing with us, specifically our belief system. That's where we start to have these moments of insecurity doubt, can minus confusion, like I play, like one of my protections is can be I don't understand. And in that understanding, I'm choosing not to say I feel like an impostor, because I don't feel like an impostor I literally don't understand. And so I'm giving away one of the one of the tools, but let's do it. One of the tools is like requesting support. So when we're at the top of our game, we forget that we also get to request support. We don't need to have all the nor should we have all the answers or that makes no sense. A one person enterprise operation, no. So it's interesting, where we pull in these moments of change, evolve, transformation, innovation disruption, that tends to have the imposter come out. And here's the secret, the imposter comes out only because something is new, or is changing. And your belief system hasn't aligned with the new truth, or the innovative truth or the transformed truth. And that that's how simple it is. That's why when I get to coach, my clients, one on one, and we get to that point, and we get to that point quite often because you know, during our engagements, so many things are going on, in the workplace and in the world. And you know, when I coach, my clients, we are not insular to the workplace, it's holistic, we're looking at all the things, all the relationships, you know, and we're not going, you know, wild there, but we're not excluding how we are with our partner or children or our neighbors or families, because that is 100% related to how we are with our colleagues, our peers and our team. And so I think I might have gone off on a little tangent. So I want to make sure did I answer the question around self worth?

Jeff Ma  
You did. And I want to actually dive real quickly into this thing that when we talked briefly before this and when I said impostor syndrome, you you you made a face and you corrected me or like I don't call it I don't like impostor syndrome or like the word syndrome for this and I thought that was an important kind of thing that opened my eyes a little bit because you I think you mentioned that it's not like a syndrome implies that it that it's kind of built into who we are that we're experienced with a complex systems are when you you just described as now that it's, it's a moment it's a momentary experience, right? Can you can you elaborate on that a little bit, especially for those who, who are listening and would categorize themselves as having imposter syndrome. And to them. They experience life this way, right? Like these are people who possibly are at all times feeling this way, or at least seemingly. What what do you say to them? Yeah,

Tiffany Houser

thank you for that. Because this also supports not only just the person who might be identifying as the imposter, but also for those who ignore it, because they don't want to be identified as an imposter or having a syndrome. So this is going to be twofold. So really, with the the term imposter syndrome, and I have to be honest, I learned this or this was, you know, I discovered this through an article in Harvard Business Review back in 2021. I'll share the link that so you can share it with your with the audience. But it was a term that came out I believe, in the 70s. And it was really about women. It had nothing to do with the workplace, it was really just about women. And our experiences. And the syndrome, part of it was tied into a mental state, which it is a mental state, but it is a momentarily momentary, in a moment to moment, okay, that we're doing. It's a fleeting, okay, let's change that. It's a fleeting state of our mental, mental state, if you will. And so when we start to label things, we are already inviting the imposter out. And so a syndrome just like you and I talked about has kind of a air about it, if something's wrong or bad, I have a syndrome. So I need to go talk to a doctor, I need therapy, or I need to read the self help books, whatever that may be. When again, just to know this is not a syndrome. It is just an imposter. We all everyone who is a human being has an imposter living inside of them. And that imposter, all that impostor is doing is protecting you. And there's nothing wrong or bad about you protecting you in a moment that you are in a new in a new environment, a new scenario, or you're in, in the midst of something changing. And everybody we experienced that all the time. I mean, just, I can give everyone one example that I think all of us can relate to, when we were dating, when you saw someone you were attracted to, did you go up and talk to them? And if you did, what were all the stories you made up before you went and talk to the person? Oh, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough. I'm not pretty enough. He'll never talk to me, she'll never call me it's like, that is something we can all experience. But it was moment to moment. Because the next person you might have felt completely confident about and I am going to talk to that person. And Jeff, I know no one's talking to anybody anymore. They're all swiping if they're still out there in the dating pool. And so it is important to understand how we talk and the language we use around this. And and actually, language is one of the tools. And one of the ways we support our clients in the self worth advantage. Because that language, whether its internal language, you know, the little inner critic we have, or the way we're speaking to other people or the way people are speaking to us when we're in or reading, the way we interpret that will let you know where your imposter is, and what has your imposter come out. Because it's invaluable to know those things and know that it is just your imposter, protecting you. You are enough you are worthy, you are valuable even when mistakes happen. Even when failure happens, setbacks, obstacles you get laid off, the company goes under that has nothing to do with you and who you are sure maybe some of your decisions, or some of the strategies you put in place didn't work. But that doesn't mean you are unworthy. You're a piece of crap. It doesn't mean anything like that. And so I like to dissect that and really unpack that because there are a lot of type A individuals out there as leaders who will not even associate with feeling this way. And there actually is a toxic imposter. So everything we talked about so far is the common imposter. But the toxic imposter instead of beating themselves up, they will project this out and take it out on their team or their colleagues. So anyone who has that demanding boss, the bully boss, the micromanager I guarantee you they are experiencing their impostor, but rather than beating themselves up, I'm not good enough. I'm not smart enough, they will push it out onto the team So I hope that clarifies it up,

Jeff Ma  
cleric does, it does and now I'm laser focused on bringing us back to I think you already teased that you mentioned  support is one method. But now I kind of want you to kind of structure for us then I know you can't give us all the answers here in this short time. But back to that person who's like, okay, I get it. I used to say I have impostor syndrome. And now I understand that I'm just protecting myself. That's me protecting myself. But what do I do? Like what do I What are some steps that I can take to overcome these moments? of imposter? Yeah,

Tiffany Houser  
one of the biggest things as you know, we're recording this course right now. And I think I've said this a million times in this course, only you can compromise your self worth. Only you can let that imposter out. The imposter, remember, is only there to protect you and only can be activated by you. So it's it's very valuable to know only you are doing it to us. So no matter what anyone is doing to you, whatever kind of feedback you're receiving, if they happen to let you down, or they're mean that has nothing to do with who you are, and your self worth, has everything to do with who they are. So knowing that is such a key piece, because when we know I am choosing to compromise my self worth right now, when you have that awareness, you can regulate yourself and coach yourself in those moments, to notice not to be judgy with yourself. But to notice, oh, I just compromised myself where I just was about to think I don't belong in this meeting, or I can't leave this meeting. I'm not the you know, this isn't my team, I can't present to the board. I'm just a director. So when you have that, knowing that the the only one that can compromise your self worth is you and creating the awareness around that that is key and incredibly valuable. The other one is the language that I talked about as well. So knowing how you're speaking, so making sure you're not speaking in a way that is poking holes in your self worth. So knowing if you're labeling things as hard or impossible, right or wrong. That's a big piece that we go into in the course and in the coaching is understanding how impactful right and wrong are. And then another one that we we do a lot is just assessing, to understand what is it that you know, I don't like to use trigger that much anymore. But what pushes your buttons? Is it specific people? Is it specific scenarios? What is it that pushes your buttons that has you compromise your self worth? So what are those moments where you shrink up? Are those moments where you feel you're not enough? And I can tell you, for me, it's always the new. So no matter when I walk into a room and it's new, like even when I go to a party, and I'm not, you know, I don't know the host, I'm a guest, I stand in the corner for a little bit until I warm up and I make up so many stories about myself, about the people. And so knowing what are those buttons. So again, you can go back to having the awareness that, Oh, I see i i compromised my self worth when I'm in a new environment, because I make up a story. And this is the the other part, if you can get specific about it for me, if it's because I make up a story that people are better than me. They know more than me, they're smarter than me. Then the next piece is finding out is that true? Is there truth there? And then finding Well, what's not true about that? Because our imposter is full of assumptions full of assumptions. So those are a few little tricks that you can walk away with and start practicing right now.

Jeff Ma  
I love it makes sense. I've already got some notes for myself, what to do with a few things, some thoughts, some introspection to have later if you will. I'm curious. This may be a little bit of a tangent, but what's the difference between pushing buttons and triggers you mentioned in like saying triggers was there a reasonably Oh, yeah,

Tiffany Houser  
yeah, the the whole there's like a whole thing. It's not me. But I've been privy to this for a little bit. Because we do a whole series on language. Language really is everything. It's the technology of our transformation. So if there's something we're experiencing that we won't notice the way you're talking about it, or thinking about it, like right there in that language that'll tell you oh yeah, I do make things hard for myself. And so that word trigger, there's like a whole thing. And Jeff, I'm gonna send it to you because someone put together a nice little meme or a nice little infographic about it. But the there's these words that we use in everyday, especially in the workplace that are kind of have a violent edge to them. Deadline trigger, we're gonna go to battle, we're gonna go to war. There's a few others that I can't think of off the top of my head. But just noticing those and how they make people feel. And knowing are these really opening up people's critical thinking? Are they opening up people's problem solving when I got to go to war, and I'm battling and I'm on a deadline, and I'm triggered? So it's, it's like, are we creating an open expansive space? Or are we starting to contract things in and starting to, like, want to fight with whatever is happening because of the words that we're using. So pushing the button, I like to use a little bit i and it's not my favorite. But to me, it feels a little bit more expansive than trigger, which is in we know what trigger is associated with?

Jeff Ma  
Yeah, and I think you now I'm learning a lot. And I really appreciate this already around. Imposter as a topic self worth as a topic. But I think this other takeaways is more surprising and really important. Around language itself, I've noticed you're very conscious with the language you use and that you choose. And I feel like that's so undervalued are so under focused on in so much of the work that everyone's trying to do with themselves and with others in the workplace, all these things, because I catch myself all the time, like saying things to myself in phrases and words that, you know, are not kind because, you know, that's my form of pumping myself up, or you know, maybe maybe like trying to be better, right from a good place. But you make a mistake, and I'm like, Ah, you idiot, like I'm saying that entirely to myself. And it makes a huge difference. Because Forget all these other people who are, you know, affecting me in the workplace, like, I have somebody yelling at me all the time I have like this boss, that's always mean to me. And it's me, and being able to address that would be so huge for my own self worth, as well. So I really value that you brought that to the conversation as well.

Tiffany Houser  
Yeah. And thank you for highlighting that. Because sometimes when we introduce that to people, they start to still be that mean, boss, because they're like being the word police to themselves. Oh, don't say that. Don't I'm like, Well, no, no, no, no, that's not what we're looking for. And so I want to give one extra piece to that is just to notice your language, not to critique it, evaluate it, police it, and definitely not in anyone else. But just to notice it, notice the language. And you know, we have a language lab that we take people through. And you know, it's as simple as the left side or the right side of a piece of paper or the board, wherever we are, you put all the words that you know, push your buttons, or that can have you out of your critical thinking or kindness. And then you just find another word because we also don't want to discount what's going on. Because when we we start the exercise off, we always start with hard, because we'll even have a counter in the room who counted it up before we even get to the exercise. And so you know, someone will just say easy, and I'm like, is it true, though, is what you're up against? Easy? And everyone says no, it's not. So what else might be supportive here that will help us move through because this is also a growth mindset exercise, you want to be able to move through it, you don't want to be stuck in hard. Because even when we think something is hard, and if we go to apply or practice or implement, it's going to be really struggle, you know, a struggle of a process rather than okay, for me my go to is challenging. This is not it's not hard, and it's definitely not easy, but boy is this challenging. And the cool thing about us human beings is we're built for challenges, because none of us like being bored. I mean, you just ask any little kid in your life or, you know, in the neighborhood being bored. It's like the one of the worst things they can experience. So but boy, do they love a challenge, give them a puzzle, have a mystery or hunt for them to go solve and they're out the door. But if we start saying, Oh, it's going to be hard, we're already taking away the possibility of solving and moving through navigating and really accessing our credit, our creativity and the out of the box pieces of us. So I love that you brought the language piece in because that is it's actually one of the things pieces to start noticing how we compromise our self worth. And it's also one of the ways to stay grounded in your self worth with just reframing some of these words that can have you just locked out of what's possible.

Jeff Ma  
I love it. I think there's so much I'm taking away. And one of the big things that's kind of subtly I'll just bring up for myself is that as I'm hearing all this, I'm reminded of kind of this tendency I have of finding a problem and going to the solution. And what I've heard from you is also that we may need to approach stuff like this with a with like a starting point of curiosity of coming in with just the idea of what to just noticing where we are figuring out where we're at, seeing our surroundings and really understanding asking some questions of ourselves first, before we jump to trying to eliminate the imposter and trying to solve our self worth. It sounds like we should definitely be taking our time and really just starting with curiosity.

Tiffany Houser

 

Oh my goodness, Curiosity is one of my favorite experiences. And I say that because one of my impostor, one of my ego, Darkside things to do is to be judgmental. And so that's a racket I've worked on for a long time. And one of the remedies for me is curiosity. And, you know, I love the the nuance that you gave it to, to slow down and really just to connect, and notice, because that's all we're really doing with our self worth, and all the things that I could ever share with you. Because most leaders do want to do what you just said, they just want to jump to solve, which there's nothing wrong or bad about that yet, when we jump to solve without understanding where we are, and what's causing the issue, the breakdown, as I call it, we're we're just going to have to keep solving and solving without actually transforming or resolving the thing that we're up against entirely. And so we that it's so funny, I start the whole course offline, because I'm giving like a context of, you know, you can you could skip to the final module and get all the goods, or you can go on this journey with me. And you'll only have to do this journey once. And really, I want to preface preface that because really, we never leave the imposter behind forever. We say leave the the imposter behind for good. Because they're it These strategies will allow you and create the space for you to be with the impostor to leave it behind in the moment. But it will pop up again, when you are in a new or challenging, intense moment. So it's never like vanished. But in the moment, you can leave it behind, you can either choose to let the imposter do its thing, or you can choose to leave it behind in the moment. So I just wanted to clarify that as well.

Jeff Ma  
Beautiful. Tiffany, we've run out of time, and I've got so much more to discuss. But I really appreciate what you've brought today. I really appreciate the conversation, your vulnerability, your honesty, and kind of just sharing all the wisdom you have. Thank you so much for the time you took today. Yeah,

Tiffany Houser

and thank you so much for taking it where it went.

Jeff Ma  
Well, it's always a pleasure. Isn't this, you know, talks like this or why this you know, I still love doing this show. So I really appreciate it. I've learned a lot. I hope our listeners have learned a lot as well. We thank you for tuning in. If you haven't yet, check out our book love as a business strategy, of course. And Tiffany, where can they learn more from you or find more resources? Great.

Tiffany Houser

Yeah, you can find us at self worth advantage.com. And you could also find me on LinkedIn. First and Last Name Tiffany Houser.

Jeff Ma  
Perfect. With that. We'll be signing off and we'll be seeing everybody next week. Don't forget to subscribe and rate the podcasts. See you guys next week. Bye.